25 July 2018
Mummy and Daddy are nearly at the end of a fabulatastic week with their darling offspring.
Mummy is questioning whether her lady parts will EVER recover from riding a bike around hills and valleys for 5 days.
Mummy fails to understand how proper cyclists can do it without wearing a giant nappy or having a Kardashian sized fanny implant to increase the padding from that which mother natured offered. Daddy and Mummy discussed this at length over wine and turns out Daddy’s man parts are also rather blue. Mummy tried to work out exactly how men position things on a bike and Mummy concluded she would rather not know.
For the penultimate day Daddy and the two darling boy children went to play laser combat in the forest. This was quite possibly the funniest thing Mummy has ever seen.
Mummy tried not to laugh. Honestly she did. But the tears were streaming down Mummy’s eyes at the site of Daddy running around waving his arms saying “agggghhh man down, man down!” whilst the 4 lights strapped to his forehead flashed and a speaker wailed “you are dead, YOU.ARE.DEAD. Dead man...please walk (wtf!?) to the bench of shame”! Mummy pointed out that Daddy did not exactly look like a fierce army combat action man...more of of a drunken dad dancer. Thank f*** Daddy is not in charge of national security.
Mummy and Daddy then decided to go “geo-caching”. Mummy had no actual clue what this meant but it sounded very cool. Turns out geo-caching is just a posh word for middle class people to use for “treasure hunt”.
Mummy sent her eldest two children off to be middle class with the fancy gadgets to find the first clue. Unfortunately the eldest children are utterly useless at being streetwise and got totally lost in the forest. Mummy and Daddy had to enlist strangers to help locate the bloody little s**ts...I mean...darling little angels. FFS.
Whilst being ‘lost’ said darlings located three clues...(and apparently also buried the clues so subsequent players would not then locate them ).
At this point Mummy needed a wine so announced she had “worked out ALL the clues”.
Daddy and all three children were amazed by Mummy’s fabulous intelligence.
Said darlings sprinted off to claim the prize followed by ‘combat specialist’ Daddy....
Meanwhile Mummy shook hands with the other Mummy she met 5 mins earlier who told Mummy all the answers. Women stick together. Right Mummies?
To end the day, Mummy poured a large wine and made a bubble bath for the darling children. Ahhh relaxing bliss....
Unfortunately Mummy did not read the jacuzzi bath instructions. Mummy instead chose to sit on the bathroom floor reading Heat Magazine and wondering whether it is legal for Bieber to get married?!?!
Mummy’s was so engrossed at working out why Bieber would allow a slug to live on his upper lip (check the Magazine pics) she did not notice the bubble bath growing. Mummy found this totally hilarious and bundled all the kids in the bath. Daddy was very cross with Mummy because Mummy ‘Is.Meant.To.Be.A.Grown.Up’
Mummy gently reminded Daddy that he still had war paint on his cheeks.
Think that makes Mummy and Daddy equal today.
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